It seems we spend almost our entire lives running around in circles, shooting ourselves in the foot every other step of the way. Why can't we just do what we know is best for us? Why can't we just always do the right thing. I don't even mean morally speaking. Just do the best thing. For ourselves. For the people around us that we love. Why do we postpone things even though we know we would be better off doing them right away. Why do we forget to be patient with people. With ourselves.
I have no idea. But I know that sitting down helps. And just paying attention to my breathing for five fucking minutes. But even that sometimes takes me two weeks to get round to. I don't even know what's left for me to do while I'm postponing that. I've actually managed to get to a level of procrastination where I'm postponing doing nothing.
Today I met up with a friend to talk about a play that she is writing. I will be acting in it, and make music for it, and I would love to be the best person I can for the play to be awesome. This is obviously the best possible thing for me to do. She asked me to be in the play with her. I felt very happy when she asked me. I'm a fan of her singing and acting, and she's a friend. So why should it take me any effort at all to concentrate when she's explaining the plot of what she's writing. Why do some days pass without me even thinking about the play once.
Why has it taken me so long to write a blog post again? I know I need to write. I know it makes me happier. I know it helps me get better at writing. I know some people (at least a couple) get joy from reading what I write here.
This is all starting to resemble a big wallowing self-pity fest. Why why why why why. Why me. Poor me. But that's not what I meant (although I am not above feeling sorry for myself). I just mean that so many aspects of my behaviour (and presumably of yours too), just don't make any sense at all. We make obviously sub-optimal choices on a daily basis. We do things that make our lives more complicated, less interesting and move us away from our goals. And writing that down here might help me wrap my head around it. And having a better understanding, might make it easier to take the other, more practical route next time I have the choice.
Anyway. So that was another blog post. Long time coming. Hope you enjoyed it.
Here's a song with a video. It has Kate Moss in it. And it was directed by Sofia Coppola.
Geen opmerkingen:
Een reactie posten